Kickers of Elves

44. The Jem'Hadar

Things get Real. The show we love really begins! Not that we didn’t love [some] of what came before, but if you’re a long time DS9 fan you know what we’re talking about, and if you’re new to the show or watching along with us… GET EXCITED. What big info about Captain Mike Pence does Wade insist James hold back from the beginning of the podcast? A terribly obscure hint lies in the first episode of this season! We explore how this seemingly typical, pedestrian Star Trek episode pulls the rug out from under you to become a different sort of Star Trek in Deep Space Nine 25 min: pause to deal with some of Wade’s issues Min 26 or so: We give James a hard time. 36: Wade comes clean about a wrongful death from 20 years ago Another murderer… Nerds in 1994: WHAT DID THEY DO TO THE ENTERPRISE? Lot’s of weird turns in this episode…

43. Tribunal

O'brien Must Suffer! Does this one hit too close to home in 2016? We find a lot to talk about in this Kafka-esque Cardassian episode. You want to hear debates about absurdism vs expressionism, right? But also: More James' nipple corner! [Hint: It's O'brien again] Is this at all similar to Picard's Cardassian torture episode from Star Trek: The Next Generation, homoerotically? [Hint: Well, that kinda depends on you, man] Is O'Brien a Maquis agent? [Hint: Of course not] Are he and Keiko going to have a picnic? [Hint: Good chance, but not on screen] Is this a better episode than The Collaborator? [Hint: Yes] Do the Maquis have a "Batman Guy?" These DS9 questions answered, and a lot more Deep Space Nine issues discussed! Plus at least one question regarding Manos, the Hands of Fate!

42. The Collaborator

Politics and Religion: Just what the people want from Star Trek, right? Do they want it from DS9? Kai Ratched has a plot! Robot Pope has a secret! Did he make a dude pull a Judas and hang himself on the promenade of Deep Space Nine? But really, we have bigger things to talk about. Like an exciting new segment: James' Nipple Corner! But even more pressing: Why can’t the dumb Bajorans just be more like the Viet Cong? That’s right, this is the only Star Trek podcast that will give you this much debating the ins, outs, and moral calculus of running an armed resistance, specifically in relation whether Vietnam is where to learn your lessons. Was there enough Avery Brooks in this episode? What about this season?

41. Crossover

Who loves the Mirror Universe? Hugh sure hates the mirror universe. James is not fond of the mirror universe. Wade loves the mirror universe. It’s another long one! We spend some time up front setting up the mirror universe, going back to the original Star Trek series episode, “Mirror Mirror” before going full bore into Kira trying to romance herself and just what the heck is going on. Does it make any sense whatsoever? Does Deep Space Nine’s “Crossover” kill Spock’s Roddenberry vision? Things get heated! You like it when we disagree? Well, if so enjoy this one!

40. The Wire

Shipping Garak & Bashir! Continuing our coverage of back to back "very special episodes!" Finally we learn more of Garak's backstory? Or do we? Garak has a medical issue and Julian just can't quit him! We get discuss 3 different stories Garak tells, Odo's authoritarian leanings, and the logistics of surprise trips to Cardassian territory; Just what kind of bad-assery strains one's credulity of the Obsidian Order? Get ready for some co-host disagreements this week, and to come!

39. The Maquis

A Double sized issue! Federation Terrorists! Instead of one Star Trek episode split into two podcasts, this week we're giving you an extra long podcast with two DS9 episodes crammed in! But hey it's one story. The first 20 minutes or so we cover some backstory and origins back in a few The Next Generation episodes. Where does the term "Maquis" come from? Wade says "metaplot" too many times. Does DS9 make steps here to salvage the "Grand Vision" of Star Trek from Rick Berman's guidance? Some serious fighting words for Jean-Luc Picard! And that's all before we talk about this episode(s) itself; instead of worrying about spoilers from the Maquis pt 2 we cover both at once. If you're miraculously watching DS9 for the first time with us, week by week, go ahead and reward yourself with two episodes. There are no cliffhangers at the end of this podcast!

38b. Blood Oath

Jean-Claude Van... Dax? The prelude is over, we're finally getting down and dirty with Blood Oath proper. Is this the greatest episode ever, or the Star Trek equivalent of a Cannon film? Are those two descriptors mutually exclusive? Is Jadzia Dax right to uphold the blood oath of Kurzon Dax? Can her fellow officers aboard DS9 ever look her in the eye again after she agrees to straight up murder a dude? Just exactly what race is The Albino? These questions and more answered, or at least pondered! James goes toe to toe with Memory Alpha, against the guidance of his co-hosts.

38a. Klingons! or Prelude To Blood Oath

It's a Very Special Episode! Instead of jumping straight into the events of the next episode of Deep Space Nine we take a detour and ruminate on Klingons past; from the past of the original Star Trek series, to an older yet "more recent" past of Enterprise, and the past of three Klingons in particular: Kor, Koloth, and Kang. Just how different are these Klingons on DS9 from their portrayals on TOS? How the hell do they explain the head ridges to these old guys who don't want to wear them? What about more famous old guys like Christopher Plummer who don't want all that time in the makeup chair? How does he get off? Comic books? Happy meals?! We talk a lot of stuff some of our viewers probably know a whole lot more about. Let us know what you think before we get into "Blood Oath" proper.

37. Profit And Loss

Quarksablanca! Quark: The George Clooney of Ferengi. How grossed out are you by Ferengi/Cardassian makeouts? What’s the deal with Natima Lang's students? Are they the weakest terrorist ever? Things get contentious. The most disagreement we’ve had so far on the podcast. Though, we can all agree Garak is great. Listeners, just how murky was this episode? Let us know what you think!

36. Playing God

Initiate Arjin visits DS9 to whine! A baby universe. Voles! Jadzia gets an intern, or a trill up for joining who is surprised by the unorthodox Dax. Finally the "Is Jadzia Kurzon?" question is settled. Wade makes the argument this episode can serve as a meta-commentary on the character herself. OH, and there's a proto universe that gets batted around by muppet skinless cats. Are the moral implications of stepping on a universe of ants more deserving of an A plot than Jadzia's sex wrestling? Listen and decide for yourself!

35. Shadowplay

Welcome to Space Mayberry! It's NOT a next generation rewrite? Go figure. Odo and Dax land on a planet that is NOT a TNG script. Quark is running shenanigans while Odo is gone. Will Kira get her swerve on? Yes she will. We love this writer, we... well, this ain't a bad episode.

34. Paradise

Cool Hand Benjamin. Sisko and O’Brien crash land on a planet of space Luddites. More Space Amish? Nope. Space hippy cultists. But did this episode have a point that could have been explored more? Classic trek, where a Captain- er commander- is tortured to see what he is made of. But it’s not Cardassian torture this time- for once! We discuss how other captains might have dealt with the situation. And some O’Brien backstory! RambO’Brien Jason Bour’ien?

33. Whispers

Things aren't what they seem for O'Brien. Is this a M. Night Sham, or is it like that Rick and Morty episode? Maybe Parallax View, or a certain most famous of scifi noirs? Just how would this plot play out as an episode of The Americans? Oh it's a mystery! Or is it? We slide stealthily into a nerd corner conversation on teleporters and cloning. Can Hugh get over his dislike for Colm Meaney's furrowed brow?

32. Armageddon Game

More O'Brien and Bashir bromancing. Two races with ridiculous hair are the worsts hosts ever. How do they repay a favor? Kill the guys doing you a solid. Not cool, bro. After getting rid of what we're told is the ultimate doomsday weapon -but that appears a run of the mill biological weapon, with a name that doesn't describe what it does at all- Miles and Julian hide out in a bunker. Surprisingly NOT a rehashed TNG script. We talk Seuss, Babylon 5, and some redeeming qualities of this episode.

31. The Alternate

Odo's Dad! (kinda) Is this a horror movie? Father issues, the stuff popular filmed entertainment is made of! What happens when the DS9 crew goes to an abandoned planet, brings back an obelisk, and then tries to give every cast member a defining line while trying to recreate The Thing, or Alien? Does that screw up the third act? Wade does his damnedest to defend this episode.

Appendix D: Evaluation Report, Star Trek: Mission New York

Stardate 47634.44: Wade spent the weekend at Star Trek: Mission New York, and fills in some details for those in Missouri, or other parts remote. We clarify our mispronunciations Panels: The DS9 cast reunion, Robocop and Bruce Greenwood, an Enterprise panel of bros, and Kate Mulgrew giving Brannon Braga the business. Wade's most awkward celebrity encounter. And finally we end with an extended discussion of what might be gleaned relating to Star Trek Discovery.

30. Rivals

Prince Humperdink is a grifter! Wade is embarrassed to like this one. O’Brien and Bashir: Mango Habanero sauce. We do a lot of talking about Julian Bashir as an “unlikeable character” in the pre-Soprano’s era There’s a Bella Union to Quark’s Swearengen’s Saloon… cept no part of this slush pile script is exactly on par with Deadwood, sorry Star Trek Discovery writer Joe Menosky. SPACE RACQUETBALL

29. Sanctuary

Oatmeal faced reverse space Mormons! And that's not even meant as a pejorative. Exploration of the universal translator is appreciated, but does it clutter up the rest of this episode where a matriarchal society lands on DS9 and pulls a Battlestar Galactica on Bajor? Just what is Boner from Growing Pains doing? What could have been a great exploration of responses to a refugee crisis turns into a wonky episode of Star Trek. Some "fun" scenes, but unrelated to the central theme of the episode. Would a two parter be better? Is this description making any sense? Our computer voice is a little perplexed...

28. Second Sight

This DS9 episode could have used a second pass... What starts with a great father/son scene about that time Picard blew up Ben Sisko's wife devolves into mooning over a woman with no personality and a penchant for disappearing. A man reignites a dead sun with science we are dubious about. But the episode is almost worth watching just for Chief O'Brien's eye rolls alone.

27. Necessary Evil

Terok Nor? More like Terok NOIRE! How did Odo go from doing the “Cardassian Neck Trick” in parlours to being a constable on board a Bajoran space station? A flashback episode will answer that. Kira is pretty great. We spend a lot of this episode gushing over how we think Peter Allan Field is the best thing to happen to Star Trek Deep Space Nine. But is there something missing from this episode?

26. Rules Of Acquisition

24th Century Buttslap! Check out that new cover art to commemorate our Namesake Episode! Does this Deep Space Nine episode live up to the hype? Maybe not. There are a lot of rules in this episode, and we get the first mention of the Dominion. Plus a lot of rehashed Shakespeare plot from a play two of us performed way back in our high school days. Plus some good old fashioned 90's Gay Panic!

25. Melora

DS9's resident pickup artist, Julian Bashir "falls in love" and has some zero g space sex. We really lay into Julian in this one. We debate some more alien physiology, including turkey wattles and mouth handles in addition to what a lady who grew up flying might look like. How bout that David Foster Wallace reference? Let us know if that alienated you; we love you regardless. Aw, sorry to make it weird again...

Appendix C: Beyond... the Regular Purview of Our Podcast

An unexpected Podcast Approaches! This isn't DS9! Why, it isn't even Prime! What kind of StarTrek podcast would we be if we didn't have an obligatory review of the new movie? We go beyond our regularly scheduled programing to discuss our feelings on what works, and what we might want to work better in the third movie in the Kelvin timeline, Star Trek: Beyond. We also have some Angry Nerd Corner on some continuity issues involving lore still intact in the Kelvin JJverse For those who haven't seen the movie: There BE Spoilers Ahead!

24. Cardassians

Whilst Julian and Garak flirt at the replimat, a Cardassian boy boards DS9, bites Garak, and sets off a story wherein we actually start to appreciate the character of Julian Bashir. Not nearly as much as we enjoy Garak or Dukat, however. Race issues! Down to a Guess Who's Coming to Dinner scene. This is perhaps the best episode that we've watched since Duet. Also: Why do we love these space nazis so much? Our racist grandpas. Trans-Racialism James has more fodder for his anti Ira Behr libel; we go against the grain of your typical DS9 fan, and praise Gene Roddenberry.

23. Invasive Procedures

A trill episode! Deep Space Nine has been evacuated, but for completely different reasons than last episode! Jon Glover is a mediocre trill, but he wants a slug of his very own...Dax's slug! He assembles a ragtag team of Western tropes, a confederate and a hooker with a heart of gold, to run a badly planned heist aboard DS9. Stat Trek favorite Tim Russ appears as a pre-Tuvok Klingon! We talk a good deal about the ins and outs and evolution of conjoined races.

22. The Siege

Star Trek goes Star Wars? Blasphemy! But this is an action packed episode where Kira and Dax fly a small X-wing sized ship, and encounter a muppet spider - someone found it at a yard sale (really). Lots to unpack in this one. Wade thinks it's a little weak in the scene transitions; James thinks there's some filler. Oh, and Stephen Weber shows up and blows his chance to portray a bigger character on DS9 later! The grand ending of the the three part beginning of Season 2 of the third Star Trek series (not counting the animated one)!