Kickers of Elves

33. Whispers

Things aren't what they seem for O'Brien. Is this a M. Night Sham, or is it like that Rick and Morty episode? Maybe Parallax View, or a certain most famous of scifi noirs? Just how would this plot play out as an episode of The Americans? Oh it's a mystery! Or is it? We slide stealthily into a nerd corner conversation on teleporters and cloning. Can Hugh get over his dislike for Colm Meaney's furrowed brow?

32. Armageddon Game

More O'Brien and Bashir bromancing. Two races with ridiculous hair are the worsts hosts ever. How do they repay a favor? Kill the guys doing you a solid. Not cool, bro. After getting rid of what we're told is the ultimate doomsday weapon -but that appears a run of the mill biological weapon, with a name that doesn't describe what it does at all- Miles and Julian hide out in a bunker. Surprisingly NOT a rehashed TNG script. We talk Seuss, Babylon 5, and some redeeming qualities of this episode.

31. The Alternate

Odo's Dad! (kinda) Is this a horror movie? Father issues, the stuff popular filmed entertainment is made of! What happens when the DS9 crew goes to an abandoned planet, brings back an obelisk, and then tries to give every cast member a defining line while trying to recreate The Thing, or Alien? Does that screw up the third act? Wade does his damnedest to defend this episode.

Appendix D: Evaluation Report, Star Trek: Mission New York

Stardate 47634.44: Wade spent the weekend at Star Trek: Mission New York, and fills in some details for those in Missouri, or other parts remote. We clarify our mispronunciations Panels: The DS9 cast reunion, Robocop and Bruce Greenwood, an Enterprise panel of bros, and Kate Mulgrew giving Brannon Braga the business. Wade's most awkward celebrity encounter. And finally we end with an extended discussion of what might be gleaned relating to Star Trek Discovery.

30. Rivals

Prince Humperdink is a grifter! Wade is embarrassed to like this one. O’Brien and Bashir: Mango Habanero sauce. We do a lot of talking about Julian Bashir as an “unlikeable character” in the pre-Soprano’s era There’s a Bella Union to Quark’s Swearengen’s Saloon… cept no part of this slush pile script is exactly on par with Deadwood, sorry Star Trek Discovery writer Joe Menosky. SPACE RACQUETBALL

29. Sanctuary

Oatmeal faced reverse space Mormons! And that's not even meant as a pejorative. Exploration of the universal translator is appreciated, but does it clutter up the rest of this episode where a matriarchal society lands on DS9 and pulls a Battlestar Galactica on Bajor? Just what is Boner from Growing Pains doing? What could have been a great exploration of responses to a refugee crisis turns into a wonky episode of Star Trek. Some "fun" scenes, but unrelated to the central theme of the episode. Would a two parter be better? Is this description making any sense? Our computer voice is a little perplexed...

28. Second Sight

This DS9 episode could have used a second pass... What starts with a great father/son scene about that time Picard blew up Ben Sisko's wife devolves into mooning over a woman with no personality and a penchant for disappearing. A man reignites a dead sun with science we are dubious about. But the episode is almost worth watching just for Chief O'Brien's eye rolls alone.

27. Necessary Evil

Terok Nor? More like Terok NOIRE! How did Odo go from doing the “Cardassian Neck Trick” in parlours to being a constable on board a Bajoran space station? A flashback episode will answer that. Kira is pretty great. We spend a lot of this episode gushing over how we think Peter Allan Field is the best thing to happen to Star Trek Deep Space Nine. But is there something missing from this episode?

26. Rules Of Acquisition

24th Century Buttslap! Check out that new cover art to commemorate our Namesake Episode! Does this Deep Space Nine episode live up to the hype? Maybe not. There are a lot of rules in this episode, and we get the first mention of the Dominion. Plus a lot of rehashed Shakespeare plot from a play two of us performed way back in our high school days. Plus some good old fashioned 90's Gay Panic!

25. Melora

DS9's resident pickup artist, Julian Bashir "falls in love" and has some zero g space sex. We really lay into Julian in this one. We debate some more alien physiology, including turkey wattles and mouth handles in addition to what a lady who grew up flying might look like. How bout that David Foster Wallace reference? Let us know if that alienated you; we love you regardless. Aw, sorry to make it weird again...

Appendix C: Beyond... the Regular Purview of Our Podcast

An unexpected Podcast Approaches! This isn't DS9! Why, it isn't even Prime! What kind of StarTrek podcast would we be if we didn't have an obligatory review of the new movie? We go beyond our regularly scheduled programing to discuss our feelings on what works, and what we might want to work better in the third movie in the Kelvin timeline, Star Trek: Beyond. We also have some Angry Nerd Corner on some continuity issues involving lore still intact in the Kelvin JJverse For those who haven't seen the movie: There BE Spoilers Ahead!

24. Cardassians

Whilst Julian and Garak flirt at the replimat, a Cardassian boy boards DS9, bites Garak, and sets off a story wherein we actually start to appreciate the character of Julian Bashir. Not nearly as much as we enjoy Garak or Dukat, however. Race issues! Down to a Guess Who's Coming to Dinner scene. This is perhaps the best episode that we've watched since Duet. Also: Why do we love these space nazis so much? Our racist grandpas. Trans-Racialism James has more fodder for his anti Ira Behr libel; we go against the grain of your typical DS9 fan, and praise Gene Roddenberry.

23. Invasive Procedures

A trill episode! Deep Space Nine has been evacuated, but for completely different reasons than last episode! Jon Glover is a mediocre trill, but he wants a slug of his very own...Dax's slug! He assembles a ragtag team of Western tropes, a confederate and a hooker with a heart of gold, to run a badly planned heist aboard DS9. Stat Trek favorite Tim Russ appears as a pre-Tuvok Klingon! We talk a good deal about the ins and outs and evolution of conjoined races.

22. The Siege

Star Trek goes Star Wars? Blasphemy! But this is an action packed episode where Kira and Dax fly a small X-wing sized ship, and encounter a muppet spider - someone found it at a yard sale (really). Lots to unpack in this one. Wade thinks it's a little weak in the scene transitions; James thinks there's some filler. Oh, and Stephen Weber shows up and blows his chance to portray a bigger character on DS9 later! The grand ending of the the three part beginning of Season 2 of the third Star Trek series (not counting the animated one)!

21. The Circle

Make Bajor Great Again! Part Two of the "Li Nalis Trilogy." But rather than figuring out his character, this episode actually focuses more on Kira being kicked off the station. On Bajor, Bareil shows her a homemade porno from the Prophets, but we prefer the sexual energy between the old people because... more Frank Langella! The sexiest of Skeletors. Sisko is a stand up guy to an actor with an interesting Star Trek history. We are yet again mostly complimentary.

20. Homecoming

Season 2! Resetting from season one. More Bajor politics! Kira sets out to save a war hero. Because an earring. Is he a real hero or looking for a way out? Liberty Valance. Kira and O'Brien take a trip to Star Trek's favorite rock quarry. Is Li Nalas something to hang this three episode arc on or do they forget about him for most of the next episode! But we're getting ahead of ourselves. Oh, and we get into a big conversations about needing legends and symbols. and more.

Appendix B: Hugh Speaks to Morn

Wait. This isn't an episode review! In a special episode, Hugh talks to Mark Allen Shepherd, the actor who played the silent alien barfly Morn for all seven seasons of DS9; and Eve Gideon, one of the fans behind a gofundme campaign to make sure Morn's chair at Quark's Bar isn't empty for Star Trek's 50th anniversary celebration in Las Vegas. Mark discusses getting cast, the origins of the character, and how it feels to have portrayed such a cult favorite among fans.

Season 1 Review

A perfect jumping on point for new listeners. Don't feel like slogging through season 1 of DS9? You're in luck! We already did, so you don't have to! We take a break from breaking down individual episodes and talk about the season as a whole. Along the way we try and figure out... just what from Season 1 was worth salvaging? If this were a modern season of television how many episodes would there be? How much can one fix in editing... entire episodes away? We get in depth about what works so far, favorite characters and episodes, and more.

19. In The Hands Of The Prophets

That's it! We're at the end... ...of the first season; thank the Prophets. If you believe in that sort of thing. Two pretty good episodes back to back; are they realigning the show to be... good? Is it a miracle? Does that answer depend on your point of view? This episode has two issues it's good to stay away from at dinner parties: Religion and Politics. Wade, in fact, gets a little into his cups and perhaps overzealous. And definitely a bit crude with some information. We have a lot to say about Nurse Ratched herself, Louise Fletcher, who shows up as one of the big villains of the show. Apologies are made!

18. Duet

No time for ridicule, this is A Very Special Episode! Kira duets with a Cardassian, and three white guys from the bible belt get uncomfortable talking about the Holocaust. From post Cold War relations to The Man in the Glass Booth, Adolf Eichmann, and the Banality of Evil; how can art, and specifically science fiction, best approach some of these prickly topics? Lot's to talk about, and we might not fully cover every controversial subject, including AIDS, without being interrupted by the end... Art's tricky man, I dunno.

17. Dramatis Personae

Another space day. Another space possession. Or not. Another space virus; this one turns people into paranoid jerks. We dissect this episode it and try to fix it as best we can. Some may like it more than we do... James has things to say about Ira Behr. Wade can't remember Rudy Ray Moore's name, but this episode is not about that. Sadly.

16. The Forsaken

In the interest of checking off all the obligatory characters from ST: TNG, Lwaxana Troi shows up in this episode! But wait! It's actually pretty good! She gets more intimate with a gooey Odo than she ever did with Picard. Is she more interesting without her daughter? Bashir is Pete Campbell. Technobabble. Obrien gets a puppy.

15. If Wishes Were Horses

More like "If Wishes Were Horses#!t." Yes, after last week's praise, we're back into the gutter! Obrien meets WHATISCERTAINLYNOTALEPRECHAUN. Nope, it's just another Alien of the Week. As Peter Dinklage said in Living in Oblivion: "Want to make it weird? Oh, put a dwarf in it." So we get "the Man from Another Place" himself, Michael J Anderson as a guest star. We talk about that, some other things, the Julian Problem, and the one good thing to stick around from this episode: Sisko's baseball.

14. Progress

Listen, and be amazed as we praise Kira's performance. Niners, be confounded by how little we actually talk about self sealing stembolts! Bajoran politics: Kira has to evict an old man from the Shire. Jake and Nog do a red paperclip story; the Ferengi hate land? We go on a tangent about what Marina Sirtis has had to put up with in her career (more than she should have had to). We disagree a bit, but agree this is a pretty good episode of Deep Space Nine, if not your standard Star Trek.

13. The Storyteller

One episode. Two stories. That. Don't. Interact. At. All. Nobody likes Julian, even O'brien, but things get set up for later. They yell at a smoke monster. Missourians know river politics. Wade is maybe puerile in what he notices in the set dressing. Jake and Nog hit on a girl. James talks libertarians. Hugh introduces a new segment, where we perhaps insult any listeners who are responsible for the IMDB episode ratings. Hope you're not offended. We love you... Speaking of... Rate us!

12. Battle Lines

Jonathan Banks! Plays a pissed off alien. Which he can pull off pretty well as you might imagine. Kai Alpaca, the Space Pope from the premiere comes back and sets things into motion... But mostly we're excited to see Jonathan Banks. That's Mike from Breaking Bad if you don't know who that is. Why don't you know who Jonathan Banks is?