The Rules of Acquisition: A Star Trek Deep Space Nine Podcast
Melora (DS9 S2E06)

Melora (DS9 S2E06)

June 18, 2020

More like "Meh, Lora", huh?  Wade Looks back on this episode and tries not to embarrass himself.

DS9's resident pickup artist, Julian Bashir "falls in love" and has some zero g space sex. We really lay into Julian in this one. We debate some more alien physiology, including turkey wattles and mouth handles in addition to what a lady who grew up flying might look like. How bout that David Foster Wallace reference? Let us know if that alienated you; we love you regardless. Aw, sorry to make it weird again...

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Cardassians (DS9 S2E05)

Cardassians (DS9 S2E05)

June 11, 2020

 

Whilst Julian and Garak flirt at the replimat, a Cardassian boy boards DS9, bites Garak, and sets off a story wherein we actually start to appreciate the character of Julian Bashir. Not nearly as much as we enjoy Garak or Dukat, however. Race issues! Down to a Guess Who's Coming to Dinner scene. This is perhaps the best episode that we've watched since Duet. Also: Why do we love these space nazis so much? Our racist grandpas. Trans-Racialism James has more fodder for his anti Ira Behr libel; we go against the grain of your typical DS9 fan, and praise Gene Roddenberry.

Is the writer a hack?  In the remix material, Hugh reexamines a theme that we have barely gotten to yet in the podcast. 

James called a shot on Discovery.  

Invasive Procedures (DS9 S2E04)

Invasive Procedures (DS9 S2E04)

June 2, 2020

This week Hugh has some Invasive Procedure facts we left out from the original version.   

A trill episode! Deep Space Nine has been evacuated, but for completely different reasons than last episode! Jon Glover is a mediocre trill, but he wants a slug of his very own...Dax's slug! He assembles a ragtag team of Western tropes, a confederate and a hooker with a heart of gold, to run a badly planned heist aboard DS9. Stat Trek favorite Tim Russ appears as a pre-Tuvok Klingon! We talk a good deal about the ins and outs and evolution of conjoined races.

The Siege (DS9 S2E03)

The Siege (DS9 S2E03)

May 18, 2020

Star Trek goes Star Wars? Blasphemy! What is Wade even going on about at the end of this?

But this is an action packed episode where Kira and Dax fly a small X-wing sized ship, and encounter a muppet spider - someone found it at a yard sale (really). Lots to unpack in this one. Wade thinks it's a little weak in the scene transitions; James thinks there's some filler. Oh, and Stephen Weber shows up and blows his chance to portray a bigger character on DS9 later! The grand ending of the the three part beginning of Season 2 of the third Star Trek series (not counting the animated one)!

The Circle (DS9 S2E02)

The Circle (DS9 S2E02)

May 1, 2020

Hugh revisits the Circle.

Make Bajor Great Again! Part Two of the "Li Nalis Trilogy." But rather than figuring out his character, this episode actually focuses more on Kira being kicked off the station. On Bajor, Bareil shows her a homemade porno from the Prophets, but we prefer the sexual energy between the old people because... more Frank Langella! The sexiest of Skeletors. Sisko is a stand up guy to an actor with an interesting Star Trek history. We are yet again mostly complimentary.

Homecoming (DS9 S2E01)

Homecoming (DS9 S2E01)

April 14, 2020

Season 2!

Wait for the end, where James looks back on his former liberal ways.

Resetting from season one. More Bajor politics! Kira sets out to save a war hero. Because an earring. Is he a real hero or looking for a way out? Liberty Valance. Kira and O'Brien take a trip to Star Trek's favorite rock quarry. Is Li Nalas something to hang this three episode arc on or do they forget about him for most of the next episode! But we're getting ahead of ourselves. Oh, and we get into a big conversations about needing legends and symbols. and more.

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In the Hands of the Prophets (DS9 S1E19)

In the Hands of the Prophets (DS9 S1E19)

March 24, 2020

CALAMITY! In this remix Hugh addresses our first "calamity episode," Big 2016 energy, and how the world we inhabited back then was both similar and very unlike the times we find ourselves in now.

That's it! We're at the end... ...of the first season; thank the Prophets. If you believe in that sort of thing. Two pretty good episodes back to back; are they realigning the show to be... good? Is it a miracle? Does that answer depend on your point of view? This episode has two issues it's good to stay away from at dinner parties: Religion and Politics. Wade, in fact, gets a little into his cups and perhaps overzealous. And definitely a bit crude with some information. We have a lot to say about Nurse Ratched herself, Louise Fletcher, who shows up as one of the big villains of the show. Apologies are made!

Patreon tease: Corona and Devs

Patreon tease: Corona and Devs

March 17, 2020

On the patreon you'll find extended discussion about the Corona virus situation's impact on our lives.

The full talk is half an hour on the American failed state, isolation, parenting, men about to have an emotional breakdown, and how things are for James in Covid-19 ground zero California, and Wade in NYC.

https://www.patreon.com/posts/what-difference-34959980

Also, we talk Devs and Alex Garland over here.

 

Duet (DS9 S1E18)

Duet (DS9 S1E18)

March 10, 2020

No time for ridicule, this is A Very Special Episode! Kira duets with a Cardassian, and three white guys from the bible belt get uncomfortable talking about the Holocaust. From post Cold War relations to The Man in the Glass Booth, Adolf Eichmann, and the Banality of Evil; how can art, and specifically science fiction, best approach some of these prickly topics? Lot's to talk about, and we might not fully cover every controversial subject, including AIDS, without being interrupted by the end... Art's tricky man, I dunno.

Wade reflects on then and now and what we think about now with the world the way it is.

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Teaser: Talking Joe Pera Talks to You

Teaser: Talking Joe Pera Talks to You

February 28, 2020

How does an Adult Swim show hit the same notes that James wants from Star Trek? 

Kickers of Elves patrons can hear the full audio: https://www.patreon.com/posts/34423144

and check out Joe Pera Talks to You over here: http://www.adultswim.com/videos/joe-pera-talks-with-you

Dramatis Personae (DS9 S1E17)

Dramatis Personae (DS9 S1E17)

February 25, 2020

Another space day. Another space possession. Or not. Another space virus; this one turns people into paranoid jerks. We dissect this episode it and try to fix it as best we can. Some may like it more than we do... James has things to say about Ira Behr. Wade can't remember Rudy Ray Moore's name, but this episode is not about that. Sadly.

Looking back, James talks about the podcast as a romantic relationship, and the problems and irritations that arise therein.

Patreon Teaser: Politics?!

Patreon Teaser: Politics?!

February 21, 2020

Don't you hate it when Star Trek gets political? Oh wait, we're not even talking Star Trek here.  Don't worry, it'll be over in three minutes. Not even long enough to hit skip on your podcast player. If you want more, there's a lot more of this discussion to hear.  Check out the Kickers of Elves Patreon where we have all sorts of additional content covering movies, TV, politics and all the other things Wade, James, and Hugh talk about when they're not talking about Deep Space Nine.  

https://www.patreon.com/posts/34226761

The Forsaken (DS9 S1E16)

The Forsaken (DS9 S1E16)

February 13, 2020

Wade waxes on about romance and looking back on this episode.

In the interest of checking off all the obligatory characters from ST: TNG, Lwaxana Troi shows up in this episode! But wait! It's actually pretty good! She gets more intimate with a gooey Odo than she ever did with Picard. Is she more interesting without her daughter? Bashir is Pete Campbell. Technobabble. Obrien gets a puppy.

Can't Picardly Wait? 

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If Wishes were Horses (DS9 S1E15)

If Wishes were Horses (DS9 S1E15)

February 4, 2020

Hugh talks Colm Meaney on leprechauns and nerds out on some baseball statistics.

More like "If Wishes Were Horses#!t." Yes, after last week's praise, we're back into the gutter! Obrien meets WHATISCERTAINLYNOTALEPRECHAUN. Nope, it's just another Alien of the Week. As Peter Dinklage said in Living in Oblivion: "Want to make it weird? Oh, put a dwarf in it." So we get "the Man from Another Place" himself, Michael J Anderson as a guest star. We talk about that, some other things, the Julian Problem, and the one good thing to stick around from this episode: Sisko's baseball.

Not mentioned, but for new Star Trek commentary, check out Can't Picardly Wait

Can’t Picardly Wait

Can’t Picardly Wait

January 27, 2020

Check out the first episode of the newest pod from Kickers of Elves. Except with Replacements for James and Hugh.

Is Star Trek Picard a good show? Hack trope garbage built to mine IP?  Some sort of quantum form existing in both states at once?  

Check out new episodes as Picard airs in its own feed alongside A Discovery Home Companion.

http://discoveryhomecompanion.libsyn.com
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/cant-picardly-wait-a-star-trek-picard-podcast/id1275425963
https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/bogmad-media-2/a-discovery-home-companion-a-star-trek-discovery-podcast

 

Progress (DS9 S1E14)

Progress (DS9 S1E14)

January 22, 2020

Just as we've progressed on Kira throughout the podcast, James has progressed his ideas on "Progress"

Listen, and be amazed as we praise Kira's performance.
Niners, be confounded by how little we actually talk about self sealing stembolts! Bajoran politics: Kira has to evict an old man from the Shire. Jake and Nog do a red paperclip story; the Ferengi hate land? We go on a tangent about what Marina Sirtis has had to put up with in her career (more than she should have had to). We disagree a bit, but agree this is a pretty good episode of Deep Space Nine, if not your standard Star Trek.
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The Storyteller (DS9 S1E13)

The Storyteller (DS9 S1E13)

January 9, 2020

One episode. Two stories. That. Don't. Interact. At. All.

One podcast, two versions. Recorded. Years. Apart. Wade feels rusty. Is he?

Nobody likes Julian, even O'brien, but things get set up for later. They yell at a smoke monster. Missourians know river politics. Wade is maybe puerile in what he notices in the set dressing. Jake and Nog hit on a girl. James talks libertarians. Hugh introduces a new segment, where we perhaps insult any listeners who are responsible for the IMDB episode ratings. Hope you're not offended. We love you... Speaking of... Rate us!

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Unlocked: The Witcher, but it’s the Books

Unlocked: The Witcher, but it’s the Books

January 7, 2020

Miss us?  The ROA Remix episodes will keep coming, but regular listeners might like to hear new discussion from the three of us?  And we're not even arguing in this one.  

Before watching the new Witcher show on Netflix that everyone else is talking about we talk about the book series by Polish writer Andrzej Sapkowski.  

Patrons can hear us on the regular, talking about a variety of subjects at https://patreon.com/kickersofelves
Dropped this week are two other conversations, about Rick and Morty and TV, plus video games. Is Death Stranding gaming's Gravity's Rainbow?

Battle Lines (DS9 S1E12)

Battle Lines (DS9 S1E12)

December 20, 2019

Stick around to the end when Hugh goes all in on Opaka, IMDB scores,  and more.

Jonathan Banks! Plays a pissed off alien. Which he can pull off pretty well as you might imagine. Kai Alpaca, the Space Pope from the premiere comes back and sets things into motion... But mostly we're excited to see Jonathan Banks. That's Mike from Breaking Bad if you don't know who that is. Why don't you know who Jonathan Banks is?

Vortex (DS9 S1E11)

Vortex (DS9 S1E11)

December 18, 2019

Hugh guides you through the vortex, and reflects on NYPD Blue, Nana Visitor's career, and his cohosts beer consumption.

This week a couple of Gene Simmons steal a faberge egg, are double crossed by a space junkie, who turns out to actually be a space Mormon -who wears Odo's cousin around his neck- and everyone takes a trip to the least turbulent "vortex" in the galaxy. Does that make sense? No? Listen and figure out just what the heck I'm going on about. Plus: "Candy Man Caveman" and Wade's self loathing.

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The Nagus (DS9 S1E10)

The Nagus (DS9 S1E10)

December 9, 2019

Uh oh. Hope you like the Ferengi. Our dang podcast title and artwork feature them so we can't throw stones. Wallace Shawn guest stars as a wrinkly talking "coin purse." Ferengi Juggalos!? Wade gets off topic and weird about Andrea Martin. Manservant Punk Rock Ronald Reagan. Education and racism are discussed, among other things.

OH, and hope you like My Dinner with Andre, cuz Wade finally watched it for the remix, and he's insufferable.

917 408 3898

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Move Along Home (DS9 S1E09)

Move Along Home (DS9 S1E09)

December 1, 2019

In this very special "remix" episode James provides the long hidden secret behind Move Along Home and its writers.  
Then later he shares some of his thoughts on why it works in ways that later "bad" episodes of Deep Space Nine don't.

 

The Passenger (DS9 S1E08)

The Passenger (DS9 S1E08)

November 22, 2019

Julian gets possessed by the ghost of Hannibal Lector doing a bad Bela Lugosi impersonation. Maybe?

Hugh tries to do a voice in this episode, and regrets it four years later in the "remix" portion of this episode.  Also: Some background on Technobabble

There's gotta be a reason for what happened in the episode we talk about. Just how are we supposed to feel about that character, anyway? And we introduce "Angry Nerd Corner" (Wait, that's this whole show, right?) Go check out Hello Cruel World by the Tall Dwarfs... for no reason.

Dax (DS9 S1E07)

Dax (DS9 S1E07)

November 15, 2019

Dax is on trial. Or rather, a deposition or something. Stick around til the end, when Wade reflects back on this early episode and where the pod goes. Plus what other podcasts that might be coming up.

How do you fix a character like Maria?? Well, you make her a good character but don't make her try to impress anybody. But OH WAIT. We're talking Dax here. Not West Side Story. This is actually a good episode. LISTEN! (Was somebody drunk when they posted this description?)

Q-Less (DS9 S1E06)

Q-Less (DS9 S1E06)

November 7, 2019

It's a Q episode! Stick around for the end when James looks back at his feelings on the episode, DS9, and podcasting in 2015.

Everyone's favorite (or least favorite) Trickster Space God boards the station with Picard's ex girlfriend to help remind you this is a spin off of that Star Trek show you really liked. Remember? Nudge nudge. Wink. Come for the TNG characters, stay to hear us talk about Ferengi sex practices, and vent our transporter frustrations. [Editors note: Oh, and yes we were wrong about the 3 life forms issue. It was the egg. We got it.]

Captive Pursuit (DS9 S1E05)

Captive Pursuit (DS9 S1E05)

November 2, 2019

Run! It's the most dangerous game, and the most dangerous way to re-listen to a pod from four years ago.  Wade podcasts stuffed inside a box. Hugh looks back on the episode.