Call to Arms (S5E26)

July 18, 2018

The Dominion War is afoot!
It's the Season finale and Wade has been a victim of gaslighting. Five years of Deep Space Nine come to a head and numerous plots are fit into a pretty great episode.

Here are some things discussed:

Mine Angry Nerd Corner 1: Why don’t they build starships out of replicators? 
Did Jake screw up?  Did he misrepresent his father? Fake News? We have a disagreement. 
Sometimes, you just gotta start a war. 
Rom:  The smartest guy who doesn’t realize it. 
Mine Angry Nerd Corner 2: What keeps the mines replicating? The Matter/Energy equalization problem. 
Kira and Odo: Do the characters want to put this off as much as we do? Do the writers? Table it. We’ll get to it later. 
Garak/Ziyal: All your headcanons valid. 
How sociopathic is Garak? 
Lets pat ourselves on the back for this wedding speech. 
Can’t. Stop. Referencing. 
Windows: Pretty democratic. 
Lots of wedding talk in this one. 
Lots of plots from the show so far addressed. But what about the dog? 
James thinks Jake is dumb. 
Look at all those ships!  
The third Cardassian that we come to know and love: Damar.  
Goodbye Robert Hewitt Wolf.  
Do you dare take The Best of Both Worlds/Call to Arms Challenge?  

Give us a call and let us know what you think!

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In the Cards (S5E25)

July 11, 2018

Watch out, you soulles minions of orthodoxy. Not all of us liked this well beloved episode.  

It's the Crying of Lot 48.  

The B plot and the A plot are reversed and we get a sequel to stembolts as big things are happening in the background.  

Baseball Corner.  

Weyoun: That weird guy at church.  

Can Jake and Nog complete all the necessary quests to get their loot and make all the villagers happy?  

Bad Company Corner.  

Science Nerd Corner.  

Beard the lion: An actual phrase!  

How does this episoe line up with Joss Whedon, writing-wise and chronologically?  

Contribute to the conversation on Patreon, or give us a call and be featured on the podcast!  

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Empok Nor (S5E24)

July 4, 2018

A psychotropic drug? We learn of Deep Space Nine's sister station, and Garak goes a little bit crazy.

In the lineage of The Doomsday machine, turn out the lights and you got a new location set.

Horror movie meets Lower Decks. Bryan Fuller sold a second story.

3rd acts are tough.

Obrien: Engineer or soldier? Uh. Engineer, obviously.

Give us a call! 

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And check out the patreon if you want extra content or if you want to support the show

Blaze of Glory (S5E23)

June 27, 2018

Eddington returns! For the last time?

The remaining Maquis have done something stupid and so Ben Sisko takes a runabout to the badlands with his best buddy krull.

Does this mean more arguing about the Maquis?

How bout an argument about the inevibility of war and whether or not its right to just go ahead and let a one happen in the right circumstances?

Why wasn’t this episode more about Sisko being able to do something? Is the twist a cheap copout to a more rewarding story or is the twist the rewarding part?

Have thoughts on the Maquis? Want to set us off on an argument that might take up an entire bonus episode?

Give us a call then!

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Support the show as you see fit! Maybe through the kickers of elves patreon if bonus content is what you're looking for

Children of Time (S5E22)

June 20, 2018

I Have No Children, but I Must Time. Classic Star Trek "Stuck on a planet" problems.
The DS9 crew gets in a time loop and now have to worry about "killing" 8,000 of their descendants. 

We have a lot of different ideas for how to blow out and follow some of the ideas in this episode.

Time share “LA Swinger” Odo.

Let’s talk about Odo and Kira, with a small sidebar to Sex and The City.

Poor O’Brien. So many Mollys.

How would this have been if stretched to a mulitple episode arc?  If this were a modern TV show how might this have been handled differently?

How do alien genetics and inbreeding work?

Bashir, please don’t do anything untoward with your great great grandaughter.

Where does personhood start when dealing with temporal mechanics?

The Sons of Mogh learn that enemies can be abstract ideas.

Why the reliance on pioneer agricultural civilizations?

Avoiding a pat ending.

IMDB doesn’t like the race stuff.

We go long, so no voicemails this week. Tell your friends about the show!

and give us a call for all your questions and feedback

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Soldiers of the Empire (S5E21)

June 13, 2018

Klingon yips. Worf takes a leave to go on a Klingon adventure with his BFF Martok, but Martok has some leftover issues from his two years with the Jem'Hadar.

We all liked this one!  What’s ISB’s beef?

Bring on the toxic masculinity! But stay for how much we talk about how great Dax is. But don't be too offended   when James calls Bashir names.

Go out of your way to scold Wade for his poor pronunciation, Klingonese speakers.

“General” Martok… how’s that work in a naval structure where you “captain” a ship?

Klingons: Very smart about their dumb violence.

Imagine if a show really went into depth about how diverse all these Klingon houses are? Gee, imagine if that were an actual thing. 

No time for voicemails, but give us a call!

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and check out the Kickers of Elves patreon for more content

Ferengi Love Songs (S5E20)

June 6, 2018

Moooogie. Gird your Lobes!

Love songs and boner jams. Or not. Scratch that. No Andrea Martin in this one, to Wade's chagrin.

Quark visits his mom, could James explain Ferengi weirdness to his dad?

Has DS9 taken a step backward into Episodic television after pulling off successful serialized arcs?

Bouncing from B to A plot and Rules of Acquisition.

Proverbial “Ear massaging” as a relaxing focus technique as internet speeds are getting faster in the 90s: Is there a correllation?

Is there a point in this episode, that makes this and Important Episode for the Ferengi arc of the series?

James is dubious. Are we making allowances for a syndicated scifi show in the 90s? Probably.

Is this really where Quark starts Urkel-ing the show?

Flaws of the Nielson/sweeps model.

James sees flaws in ISB’s critique of Capitalism.

This episode has some flaws in how the climax is resolved.

“Go back into the closet where you belong?” Just what did they mean by that? (probably nothing)

Pew pew pew - Action figures - The End.

No voicemails this week, but we still want to hear from you!

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Ties of Blood and Water (S5E19)

May 30, 2018

Tekeny Ghemor shows up again [who?] and Kira goes through some feels. Dad's real and fake die.

James and Hugh have some serious trouble getting on board for this story. He’s not really her dad!

Cardassians are like bulldogs when it comes to syndromes.

Ol’ One Arm makes an appearance in the good ol’ cave set.

WEYOUN! And Dominion corporate culture.

Does Dukat dodge the mug? Is the dress blue or yellow?

Hugh hates scenes where they explain the protagonist’s feelings to them.

Elder abuse!

How fun would this episode be if it were all Weyoun?

James and Hugh have some ideas on what would make this episode better.

Is this episode still stuck in an episodic mindset even if it’s kind of a sequel to Second Skin? Is this episode a transitional fossil from previous eras of television?

Who can get us Wallace Shawn before Chapo Trap House does?  Gird your lobes for next week!

Give us a call and let us know what you think about alien boner jams or anything DS9

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From Bashir to Boner Jams: Mail Bag Bonus

May 24, 2018

High af Sisko to Boner Jams and everything in between: 

Greg takes us way back to Rapture (1:00) 

If you want to understand the Prophets, understand Prince.  

Avery Brooks acting, and… no we don’t think David Lynch is racist. We have no evidence to think David Lynch is a racist.  

Twiggy! and his season 4 white album. (17:30)  

Hugh’s fav David Lynch is Donald Glover…  

Warren on Bashir and headcanon (21:17) 

Trigger Warning: A Discovery Home Companion Interlude (29:25)  

James reflects on Disco after watching The 100.  

Tom serenades James with a Romulan boner jam and discusses "In Purgatory’s Inferno" (38:05) 

Thanks to Deep Space Nine for the Trump administration? 

Konstantya in an email on her own Romulan boner jam (42:20)   

After some more discussion on sexy aliens… 

Kristin! On Eddington’s negative sex appeal (47:20) 

Sexual chemistries. and brothers? What the heck? 

James sees unusual things in Frasier.  

Give us your thoughts and/or alien boner jams!  Bajorans don't count. Maybe we'll allow Orions 
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Support us on Patreon for more non-Star Trek opinions

Business as Usual (S5E18)

May 23, 2018

Cousin Gaila comes to bail out Quark by selling weapons and introducing some accented guest stars.

Does this Quark episode take the character anywhere?

Quark and Dax: just like our relationships with our partners.

Ferengi stock market shenanigans.

How can one person keep losing money like this? How can this even be a thing?

Does Star Trek Deep Space Nine have an homage problem?

James is starting to wear thin on status quo Star Trek filler episodes, and a spirited discussion ensues.

Pleasure our ears with your voicemails!

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A Simple Investigation (S5E17)

May 16, 2018

Bedroom eyes lead to bedroom milestones for Odo!
Based on The Narrow Margin... of engagement?

Plus: A small Holodeck “hey, we never said James Bond” plot.  
What episode was this again?  
A problem DS9 has that other Treks don’t? 

Odo is over Kira? 
What makes eyes “bedroom” and does Odo really have that? 
The height of Tarantino-ism. 
Let’s talk about LARPing. Different from “creative anachronism”?  

What about furries? (23:40)  

The Deed!  
Return of James’ nipple corner!  
Let’s get to the bottom of changeling/humanoid sex.  

We ruminate on actors, and American History X. 

Voicemails will return at some point. Promise!  
Let us know how you feel, especially if you miss the vm segment.  

917 408 3898  


Support the show by telling your friends, or contributing to the Kickers of Elves Patreon!

Doctor Bashir, I Presume? (S5E16)

May 9, 2018

Welcome Voyager’s "Richard [sic] Picardo", and Julian Bashir's parents!

But Bashir… we gots opinions.

Hugh’s issues do not reflect a “rejection of Gene’s vision.” He doesn’t like how it was implemented.

A new kind of Special Man?


A reflection on Bashir not being that great of a doctor.

Bashir’s dad is a revelation.

Leeta and Rom have a B plot though.

Should Leeta just tell Rom how she feels and get it over with since he can’t?  Is the objectification of her in this a little… weird? James explains maybe the source of where he reads his innuendo?

Bashir’s dad the chav.

What are the trekonomics of getting an illegal procedure done "out of network" in a post scarcity Federation?

Ohwaitaminute. Just how dumb was six year old Julian again? Have the writers never met children?

How do we sit with the revelations in this episode after this watching? What about where these revelations lead?

Yet again, we don't have any voicemails this week, but we will get to your calls! We want to hear from you!

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and support the show by telling your friends, or going to for more content!

By Inferno’s Light (S5E15)

May 2, 2018

Part two of Worf and Garak being awesome.
Dukat: Still a jerk. Right over from the last ep. Is this a new episode or more of a continuation of one long episode. Lets talk about these titles.
Why doesn’t the Dominion kill its prisoners?
Other runabout questions we might not have answers for… yet. Nerds hate plotholes.
Let’s rehash some Ziyal arguments from last episode.

But Worf.

Kitomer re-accords: Where’s president Joe Camel? Odo, also conspicuously absent.
Chekov’s Breen, Romulans, and James has a type.

But Worf. Best of Klingons, even with what he’s learned from the Federation. Even when him and Martok recite a Kanye tweet to praise Garak.

Jem’Hadar and Klingons; White Trash and Donald Trump. Bashir gets a stembolt reference.
The gangs all here, every power in the Alpha Quadrant.

A couple small nerd corners.

Is this a point where the show pivots to being something new?

No voicemails this week either, but we still promise that we will make use of them so send em in!

917 408 3898
let us know about your One Direction fic. 

And check out the Kickers of Elves patreon for all our other assorted opinions

In Purgatory’s Shadow (S5E14)

April 25, 2018

The Dominion War approaches! Are we in the best "3 song run" across all the "albums" of DS9?

Is there something different about Bashir? Oh boy, Ziyal: You look different.
Wade and James have wildly different ideas about the nature of Garak and Ziyal’s relationship. The best Worf stuff… ever?Chekov’s Breen. Sisko has an idea for the wormhole Kira doesn’t like, should Dax have had something to say about it?The Dukat we knew all along. Garak and Tain come to terms. Does Wade like this better a childhood story than what we got with Worf?
Not to switch properties, but let’s talk about that Leia costume.
Closing with horrific internet memes.

We get a little ahead and confused about what’s in this episode and the next.
The dangers of explaining a characters past, i.e. the Wolverine Problem.

No voicemails. But we have a proposition re: “hate money” 

Support the show at

And give us a call! Seriously we'll get back to your voicemails soon!

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For the Uniform (S5E13)

April 18, 2018

Sisko tracks Michael Eddington down and Trekkers everywhere were divided.

Our beloved Peter Allen Fields returns!

Sisko is angry!

Who breaks bad in this episode?

The ethics of escalation. 

Oh, the Victor Hugo. Should Star Trek hold their tongue before throwing shade at the writing of female characters?

"Not enough!"

A Civil War reference from James.

No voicemails this week, but stick around til the end for some details on what might get James and Hugh to watch Season 2 of Discovery

"My Favorite Mutiny" by The Coup

Give us a call and let us know your thoughts!

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and check out the kickers of elves Patreon

The Begotten (S5E12)

April 11, 2018

Son of Odo? 
It's an episode all about parenthood. Odo discovers a little pile of goo and goes through all the feelings a humanoid can feel. Kira gives birth to a son of O'Brien, while her boyfriend gets a little jealous. A and B plot symmetry!  

A tidbit blows our minds and bums us out.

Odo has a bad back- A digression on mattresses.

Bajoran birthing practices… are odd.


in Voicemails (45:37)

PlutoBurns is bored by The Ascent.  Were there more interesting stories missed in that story, perhaps a courtroom drama?  Roddenberry rules and storytelling discussed once again. What about Dogma 95?

Give us a call and tell us your own feelings

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The Darkness and the Light (S5E11)

April 4, 2018

Bryan Fuller makes his Star Trek debut. With a riff on the Agatha Christie novel And Then There Were None, previously titled Ten Little Indians, previously titled something even more Problematic

Kira's friends are being murdered, but by who?
“The Prophets will take care of him”… Will they?
Worf is brings the light fun to the episode for once. He knows many things.
Where’s Shakaar while folks from the Shakaar resistance are being killed?
Sisko ain’t got patience for Worf.
Just how much technical know how does it take to press shirts for Cardassia?
Silence of the Lamb-ing was very fashionable at the time.

Are these the best of the doldrums of any season of DS9 to date?

Voicemails (43:30)

Stefan calls to tell us about an episode near universally derided bye everyone but Hugh and James, and Wade has to reiterate just why he thinks that Worf scene on Risa was so bad.

Have your own Risa or Worf opinions? Give us a call!

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Rapture (S5E10)

March 28, 2018

Sisko gets high. 
Or is that a simplification of a more complicated story and issues? Join us for some arguing about Starfleet's actions when faced with god-aliens.  Sisko is "touched by the prophets" and discovers a secret city, and a lot of actually important stuff arguably happens in this DS9 episode.
New uniforms! Is Bajor finally joining the Federation?
“Optics of the admiral”
Kai Ratched returns and has a turning point of her own.
Oh and Kasidy returns from the clink.

But of course the episode has to end with some classic Star Trek "right to die" questions.

in voicemails (45:07)

John from PA gets us talking about Star Wars without even asking you to contribute to our patreon.

Alex from Minneapolis sets the record straight about Ray Wise's Star Trek appearance.

And somehow we get talking about kratom?

Give us your calls! 

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and check out that patreon at

The Ascent (S5E09)

March 21, 2018

Odd couplings! Odo and Quark crash land on a dump of a planet and nearly die climbing a mountain.

But first Nog returns! We cover the B plot and ask the question: is Jake Sisko the Rory Gilmore of DS9?  

What is Nog doing back? Does Starfleet send away their unwanted cadets?  

James has some rap references to make and TOS references to point out.  

Odo’s porn habits.  Talk to us about Vulcan Love Slave.  

Love and hate. Quark and Odo style.  

But what if Odo had a different kind of story bout being humanoid?  

Voicemails (39:00):  

Kate on "...Nor battle to the strong."  

Tom from Cleveland has some thoughts on "Let He Who is Without Sin..."

Expect more calls about Risa going forward!

Things Past (S5E08)

March 14, 2018

Terok Nor? James finds it a Terok Bore.  

On the way back from an occupation convention Odo, Sisko, Dax, and Garak all get Quantum Leaped back 9 years to before Odo was chief of security, and Kurtwood Smith held sway.  Things start getting all wibbly wobbledy with the timeline and reality and just what exactly is going on here?  

We're divided on the quality of this one, even if we aver that season 5 is still going strong overall.  

Hold on after the rewatch meter IMDB ratings, where we once again ask the question, "How would we fix this?"  

(47:10) We have the return of your voicemails!  

These are all on Trials and Tribble-ations, and for the sensitive among you, there may have some Discovery talk:

Kristin on Discovery and trials.  
We talk about our formative days watching TAS, the Monkees and Lancelot Link, secret chimp.  Love of the lore and execution.  
Greg from NC has the nerd corner solution to our McCoy scene discussion.  
BuckyWTGoodHair on Disco’s appeal to nostalgia.  
Make the show that you want to see.  

And we end with American Gods, and the kind of thing you may have come to expect from us.  

Send your complaints to:

917 408 3898  

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Let He Who Is Without Sin… (S5E07)

March 7, 2018

Put on your spandex aerobics outfits. We're going to Risa!

Worf is the worst boyfriend. Why is Dax with him again?

Is this… waitaminute... a good episode?

Bild Lilli horgons. Is Risa a planet of sex workers? Planet Vegas? Without Capitalism? Anarchist Vegas?

Vanessa Williams guest stars as the woman who killed Curzon.

Now. Let us objectify Bashir:  A different bodytype for a different era.

Leeta makes Quark and Julian do a double take (

Nog and Ted Cruz’s internet habits.

Gotta be a secure man to be with Dax.

That Worf scene. We have opinions.

Things suddenly get serious, but ok not that serious. 


Sorry for the lack of Voicemails again this week. We got way too excited talking about the time Dave Mathews guest starred in an episode of House.  But give us your calls! We promise we want to hear them.

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Trials and Tribble-ations (S5E06)

February 28, 2018

Gotta go back in time.
No, not to our new Fatty Arbuckle-cast. Back to the Enterprise! The "first" one.
The DS9 crew gets to revisit everyone's favorite era to revist, judging from recent TV and movies. With the magic of developing technology and effects.
Lets get some Discovery thoughts out early.  Except we'll get back to that over and over again.  There's some spoilers if you haven't had some of Star Trek Discovery's obvious surprises spoiled for you.
We reeeally nerd corner the difference between Discovery and Tribble Trouble Fake-Klingons.  
How much do we know about our great grandmothers? Either way, we don’t feel about them the way Bashir does about his.  
Did Emony Dax Harold and Maude McCoy at Ole Miss?
Leaning in to the fan service. Easter Egging vs Embodying.  
Greatest American Hero? Is that our next podcast? [NO]
Who are reboot shows catering to?  
Overall, we enjoyed this "Opposite of the Jake in a hole with a dying man screaming at him" episode.

No voicemails this week, as we really overdid the nerd-cornering in this episode.

We still want to hear from you though! Promise we'll get back to voicemails soon.

917 408 3898

And of course you can always support us on Patreon at

The Assignment (S5E05)

February 21, 2018

Oh great. Another body possession trope? Why waitaminute, we loved this one!  
Keiko O'Brien isn't herself, and Miles has to follow instructions lest the ghost possessing her does throws her off a ledge or nosebleeds her to death.  Just how well does this episode turn up the heat to boil the frog that is a stressed out Irishman?
Pah wraiths. Huh. First we’ve heard of those.  
Plust, a B plot that interacts: Rom, the smartest idiot in the room.
Paradise Lost? The Possesion clause in Federation Law. We go long this week so no voicemails.

We still want to hear from you though!

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…Nor the Battle to the Strong (S5E04)

February 14, 2018

Red Badge of Courage on the Western Front.
Jake and Bashir get stuck behind enemy lines and Jake realizes maybe he's not the bravest guy.
This episode hits a lot of our buttons. When exactly did we start enjoying Dax this much? Sisko has some fatherhood scenes; what do the father's on the podcast think? Civil war knowledge gets trotted out.  Vietnam. Lots to cover in this episode!

In voicemails (47:05): 

Season 4 White Albums! From Eric, Stefan, and Adam.

Give us yours, or let us know what you think about DS9

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Looking for par’Mach in All the Wrong Places (S5E03)

February 7, 2018

Lookin for love. A whole lotta love in this one. Of various sorts.

Things that have been building up for many episodes of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine come to a head. Grilka from House of Quark returns. Horniness abounds.

James' favorite B plot. Hugh is uncomfortable. Wade wrote down a lot of Klingon but contains himself.

Farce fulfilled finally.

Science fiction full circle with Cyrano.

Of course we get into certain sexual anatomy questions…

The Sam and Diane Issue.

The return of Voicemails! (59:13)

Paul from Ireland has more thoughts on the Maquis.

The Ship (S5E02)

January 31, 2018

Stuck on a planet with casualties.
A classic Trek morality play?
It's a return to dealing with the Dominion when Sisko and an away team find a crashed Jem Hadar ship.  A new Vorta emerges.  
Who is Panthro's sister?

Are the best episodes of Deep Space Nine on the station or off of it?

Forgive us for the lack of voicemails this week. Give us call if you're frustrated with us!
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and if you want to support the show and see some of what has kept us so busy check out the kickers of elves Patreon and Much A-Dune About Nothing at