Kickers of Elves

62. Distant Voices

Bashir's Brain. Deep Space Nine is turned "Inside Out" when a Lethian puts a whammy on everyone's favorite doctor. Ok, maybe not EVERYONE's favorite. Is this a good episode with some welcome character work for Alexander Siddig, or a tedious example of everything a person might not want from his ensemble based scifi drama? We've got both points of view covered! Later we get some Priority Nocturnal Transmissions from Richard Coombs (40:20). @10Rant posits: Just what is going on with Odo at this point in the season? @Jeffrey_Miller1 has some thoughts on character blandness and pairings. Plus, some of that classic podcast pandering you hear at the end of most of your podcasts! Give us a call! 917 408 3898

What We Talk About When We Talk About DS9

Why do we do this? A perfect time to jump in with no real spoilers! It's another listener response episode! What do we mean when we talk about the "Golden Age of TV"? Stefan has questions and we have answers! Robert sends an email that puts us into Bookclub Mode! Robot-James and some random filler! And another Stefan message provides more Past Tense discussion. Are we critical just to be contrarian? James says, "No." Give us a call or message if there's anything YOU want to discuss with us! 917 408 3898

61. Visionary

Miles hates temporal mechanics. Obrien is stuck traveling through time, and must suffer! A begining rumination on technobabble backdoors us into a “Vulnerable Nerd Corner” Sympathy for the Romulan Time travel and the nature of Personhood Philosopher Derek Parfit, the teleporter and identity Are the characters too “chummy”? We argue Star Trek’s “Vision” once again. And we cover some Nocturnal Transmissions on Destiny, the Sisko, and acting!

60. Prophet Motive

Self Sealing Stembolts return! Heee Hhee Hee. Grand Nagus Zek. Oh no. Wallace Shawn also returns. Deep Space Nine Ferengi episodes, you’re gonna either love em or hate em. Wormhole alien space gods. Completely unrelated: Scientology (please don’t sue us). A B plot that does exactly what it sets up to do. Bashir is up for a very prestigous award… He says he won’t win… [spoilers] He doesn’t. Kirk’s dead brother. And More! Plus a priority transmission segment that’s all Twiggy. Killing childhood memories, Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, Gor, and we go into some deep Kids in the Hall references. Talk to your Postal Carrier [about us].

Bloody Cardies: More Voicemails

More of your responses! An ASMR intro makes Wade uncomfortable. Is “realistic” acting good acting? Have we exhausted our thoughts on Past Tense? Bloody Cardies! Should three middle class white dudes relish fake racial slurs? When do we hear the "spoonheads" slur, anyway? Plus, Kate leads us into a whole discussion of colonialism on Bajor and what we've gotten wrong. She's right, but really: “Space Pope” is a lot of fun to say. Waiting to be called SJW cucks… AND What we look for in calls. We love you. but not in a Bill O’Reilly way.

59. Destiny

Vipers and swords! Just how should the folks on Deep Space Nine interpret Bajoran Nostradamus? Why does Sisko need to come to terms with being the Emissary? Three scripts, including the one from a bitter writer, a Star Trek veteran, and the one we ended up with. O'Brien experiences sexism. All Cardassians know: Men Suck at Math. Because we and the writers of Star Trek agree, rigid gender roles are antiquated, even if the Cardassians haven’t learned as such yet. MRAs? Come at us. 917 408 3898

Voicemail Extravaganza

Proximity Alert. Unidentified podcast approaching. We vent the warp core and release an extra episode with a few voicemails we couldn't fit into the regular podcast Dryvetyme's first call: We talk goofiness, “camp” and what can be found to redeem otherwise awful Star Trek episodes? Austin from Chicago from Brooklyn comments on our language, among a few other things, and we discuss how we feel about potentially offending anyone and making ourselves uncomfortable. And finally Kristen from Toronto calls with a couple of observations, two questions, a compliment, and a recommendation; setting us down an extra long discussion that includes: The Not So Secret Origin of The Rules of Acquisition Podcast! Getting kids into Star Trek: Is it even possible? Cronenberg, the Expanse, and what we want from our fiction. Literary talk about masterpieces written by young people. Do they exist? You too could be in further episodes of the podcast. Give us a call! 917 408 3989

58. Heart Of Stone

Kira gets stuck in a rock, and other characters get unstuck! We start off talking about the Amish… but who are they gonna complain to? Aside from the melodrama and Amish romance novel comparisons -or maybe because of all that- we like this one! One of our favorite character arcs of the entire Deep Space Nine series - maybe in all of Star Trek- gets going in the B plot. Nog wants to join Starfleet! Why? Because joining Starfleet is all about dad issues. What leaves a humanoid to take another specie's cultural values? But, ok, what about Kira getting stuck in a claustrophobic crystal formation? More Past Tense and Bashir talks in the voicemails. Our cup runneth over

57. Life Support

Robot Pope, we hardly knew ye. And he's all sorts of robot-y in this one. We have the technology! We can rebuild him… to a point. The Bashir Controversy comes to a head! Wade is on the ropes, defending Deep Space Nine's doctor, as James and Hugh rail against the star of the episode. How much of acting is subjective? But Lisa Turtle is in this one! Lets figure out the SBTB timeline… including the College years. We can all lament on the B plot… Conflict of culture, or being an *******? Are we too SJW or do Ferengi values just have less place in the world today? In voicemails: Really it’s all about Hal Holbrook or Dr. Zaius or GTFO (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVzOcuyN0JA) And we reflect on how the past election broke James.

56. Past Tense Part 2

Deep Space Nine futures back to the past! 8 years from now! We jump right back into Past Tense, this time right into the Bell Riots themselves with part two! Is this as hollow and facile an investigation of society's problems as James and Hugh say, or do the Ghosts, Gimmes, and Dims of 2024 have a valuable lesson to teach us in 2017? Something that shines through this Very Special Episode about homelessness in 1994? James doesn’t get ghosts. Hugh really hates baby boomers’ fetishization of the 60’s. Reconciling Star Trek’s timeline vs ours: Baseball included! Sexy Halloween Thomas Jefferson costumes! Violent protests and the timelines for change. Wade makes some obscure D&D references. Rance Howard, we hardly know ye. Were we too hard on this oh-so-topical two parter? Voicemails are all Past Tense focused this week, as we thought we could "address the controversy." We field calls from @10rant and a mysterious, handsome stranger. James talks about what liberals can do with their art. Can you spot the David Foster Wallace reference?

55. Past Tense Part 1

The episode you’ve been waiting for! Seemingly the most talked about Star Trek episodes of the current administration. Three of the Deep Space Nine crew go back to... Our future? Or is it a remnant from a 90's past? Prelude to the Bell Riots. But actually, instead of telling you what you might expect from a Star Trek podcast in 2017 we spend a lot of time on what we don't like. Very divided opinions on Bashir. Is this Important scifi, or an afterschool special? Time travel and Dan Harmon. What happened to Generation X? JACK INTO THE NET In voicemails, we hear again from Kate and Twiggy.

Spinoff: Lost, part 2 "We Need to Talk About Jacob"

Our explanation of Lost continues! We've made it through the first few seasons, but what have we forgot to mention? What is the deal with the ending? Wade provides his own, more rewarding (to him) explanation of the show's mysteries! The gnostic secrets of Lost revealed!

Spinoff: Lost, Explained (Part 1)

Instead of covering a groundbreaking show from the 90s, we instead jump to a decade later, when there were whispers of a new "Golden Age of Television"... When The Sopranos was still on the air, Netflix was all dvds, and "binge watching" was a new thing people said to sound quirky. Hugh never watched Lost, and never plans to. James watched it all in a rush recently. Wade was all in when it aired, drew fanfic, and played the online ARG. (dork) We take it upon ourselves to explain the hit primetime show on ABC that helped make J.J. Abrams super-famous.

54. Fascination

Peldar Joy, listeners. We're so sorry. It's Gratitude Fest on on Deep Space Nine, and it can be hard to find things to be grateful for in this episode. Luxwana Troi shows up! But we don't blame her for this. Sure in the plot all the nonconsentual grabbing and unsolicited amore is her fault, but we blame the writers for this Midsummer Nights Fiasco. Some O'brien marriage drama between Miles and Keiko in the B plot is ... slightly better, but we have some notes there too. Plus, we get back to some of your feedback, ultimately ruminating on some more problematic sexual practices available in Quark's in a Premium Cable version of Star Trek.

53. Defiant

By Riker’s beard! Another guy from Star Trek: The Next Generation on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine! Jonathan Frakes shows up. And talks up Kira. Do Kira and Riker have more chemistry than Kira and robo-Bareil? But then the Defiant gets stolen, the fake mutton chops come off, and the story really gets rolling. The meat of this episode? Some real Dukat and Sisko business, getting into some Cardassian conflicts with Hugh’s favorite subject, the Maquis. We get into some Angry Nerd Corner-ing over, among other things: What we know about one certain “tough little ship” Transporter clones Did some thing happen between Will Riker and O’Brien? And oh yeah: Wade ate a rat penis one time.

52. Meridian

Oh, boy, this episode. Enjoy it's many pleasures. We didn't! Brigadoon? More like Briga-doomed... ...Briga-don't? Don't expect the writing of this episode to exceed the hack joke writing of the above. Dax is in love and things quickly escalate to a 90's safe-for-television level of risque. We however, DO NOT keep it safe for TV outside of premium cable. Lots of eating fruit. Suggestively. Picnics! Picnics! Picnics! But all is not lost: There is Jeffrey Combs, in his first Star Trek appearance! One of several aliens he'll portray on Deep Space nine Q: Is this one more Bradley Whitford, or Vivian from the Young Ones? (A: Whitford) Combs' ginger whitford also has lascivious intentions, but Kira is having none of it. There is a pretty popular gif that comes from this episode though. Don’t listen to this one with your kids in the car!

51. Civil Defense

Things are about to explode! Or the station is. An alarm is triggered the Deep Space Nine crew have to solve a bunch of technobabble puzzles to escape. It's another Star Trek episode where they don't actually go anywhere, but it's actually pretty great because Dukat shows up! Wade is really into escape rooms. Not sure what that is? You will by the end of this podcast! What makes this such a great episode? Is it the stakes? The character work. This one has Dukat AND Garak, after all. Plus, in the voicemail segment Latinum is further discussed, among other topics. Enjoy a packed out episode!

50. The Abandoned

Two Aliens, a man, and a baby. Quark buys some salvage and falls into a plot so good that it gets re-used by Rick and Morty two decades later. But first: An extended conversation on the societal roles and sexual mores of Dabo girls. Parental opinions! A load bearing episode! And we end with some viewer responses! Voicemail and email both this time. 917 408 3898 Let us know what you think!

49. Second Skin

Kira is a Cardie. Or... is she? The Obsidian Order is pulling some shenanigans and Kira Nerys gets stole. Once the mind drugs take effect she's supposed to remember being a Cardassian operative hidden away on Bajor during the occupation, and how much she loves her dad. But hey, you probably saw the episode if you're listening to this podcast! We talk about what could have been with the original pitch, and just how great Garak is when paired with Sisko... Is this episode a thematic sequel to "Duet"? Do we harp too much on "trans-speciesism" at the beginning? Let us know on the hotline! 917 408 3898 Speaking of voicemails, we take a few at the end, address our OA spinoff, and cover some opinions on last weeks DS9 episode. We love your feedback. Call to get your own voice heard: 917 408 3898

48. Equilibrium

24th century music sucks. Dax plays a song, becomes a moody teenager, and learns that her hormones are all out of whack. So... off to the Trill Homeworld to solve a mystery, learn a totally new explanation of Symbiosis, and take some milky baths with slugs! Acting is discussed. As is master magician Jeff McBride! But mostly slugs! Lots of trying to figure out what the heck the deal with Trills are. Plus we read some emails this week. Can you put us in our place? Feel free to give us your thoughts 917 408-3898!

47. House Of Quark

MARRIED LIFE Keiko and Miles, Quark and a Klingon lady; this one's all about problems with women. But FINALLY it's not completely ham-fisted in it's understanding. No picnics are had. Also: Bashir, a PUA before The Game was even a thing. Wade butchers the Klingon language. “The WASP” podcast explores various relations to founding fathers and separatists… Ferengi financial acuity and certain times when “fancy book learnin” among certain people groups maybe made some other peoples nervous. Plus voicemail! Don't miss your chance to give us your thoughts 917 408 3898

Spinoff: ROA on The OA

There has been a change in format from our regular scheduled programming. The OA... Is this really a show worth watching? It depends! Instead of an oldie from the 90s, we take a leap forward to discuss this most controversial of modern TV shows on the Netflix streaming network. Not much Star Trek discussion here! Maybe we're not actually fans ourselves, but we take a break to discuss this risky and ... "interesting" episodic program

***We recorded this a few times unsuccessfully, there is some audio hiccups in here, but it's perfectly listenable***

46. The Search Part 2

The glorious conclusion! ...To the beginning of DS9's third season and the new paradigm. Things have gone poorly for the defiant in the gamma quadrant, and Odo and Kira hang out with Odo's family of melty beige Eric Trumps. Luckily Sisko and the rest of the senior staff have made it back to the station... or have they? STAR TREK DEEP SPACE NINE IS BETTER THAN LOST! More voice mails! Let us know your thoughts! 917-408-3898

45. The Search Part 1

Welcome to Season Three of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine! What happened in between seasons? Ch ch ch changes! The Defiant is finally here! New cast members? Who is and who isn’t here to make friends? Stepping on Odo's ... feelings. This episode is well paced. Again, reflecting on S2 problems. How long until we get Majel Barret's voice on our digital assistant devices? Sisko scenes. Jake scenes Jadzia's hair game. "Let’s not make it a race thing" … how self aware are these writers? Full Emo Odo Rogue planet Where did all these melty Eric Trumps come from? Are we still talking about the Viet Cong? And Finally! Introducing a new segment! Voicemail! Capers and The Extendables! Give us a call! 917-408-3898

Appendix E: "A Woman Who Reminds Me of Kira" w/ Courtney Bowen

Special Guest episode! Going forward as we have less "things we would change," and fantasies of "fixing" episodes of a 20 year old tv show. Instead, we want to hear more from you, our listeners! 917-408-3898 With that in mind, we welcome DS9 fan (who happens to be married to Wade’s brother), Courtney Bowen to the podcast. Topics discussed: It is a compliment to say you resemble Kira Nerys! Is Picard The Daddy? James wants to get political Bashir… ok he’s sexy… I guess? Sleepy Dax Owning being Ferengi Talking Voyager? Picardo and Mulgrew are awesome. is Enterprise REALLY that bad? Spit Roast? Are we too lewd? GOING FORWARD You can call this Number: 917 408 3898 or don't feel like paying international rates? Send us a message at rulesofacquisitionpodcast@gmail.com

Season 2 "White Album"

Cutting the chaff! We narrow it down to the best episodes of season 2. The three of us each pick out 12 episodes to make our ideal streamlined "modern" season two What works and doesn’t work about what we've seen this season? Is O’Brien the “Kirk” of Star Trek Deep Space Nine now? Just what the heck are they doing with Avery Brooks? Can they figure out the Sisko? [yes] James’ arc of appreciation for Ira Steven Behr A state of the union on all our favorite [and least favorite] characters. Dax, Julian… the whole gang’s represented. Goodby Peter Allan Fields. Hello Ronald D. Moore! Just how excited are we for Season 3? Very excited.